Friday, January 18, 2013

Personal Posting

   Once again, it seems my personal life is in the shit hole.  This really is nothing new, but after awhile of this it does start to take its toll on you.  Right now I am fighting the overwhelming desire to just climb back into the bed and say to hell with it all and go back to sleep.  I know today is going to be no different than yesterday or the day before that, and even all the way back to 2 weeks ago.  I mean nothing ever is just perfect, I do not by all means expect things to be.  But just when I think that my man of 16 years now, couldn’t stoop any lower, wham, he does it again.  I swear to God with him it is a never ending battle.  Little by little over the years, he has not been as supportive for me as I have been for him.

   So I guess, he must be feeling neglected again, because he is right back pulling the same shit he has done before, quite a few times actually.  He refuses any and all responsibility for me or the house hold, he tells me he is going on place and then later I find out he went somewhere else.  Last night at like 9:30pm he came in and said he had to run one of the neighbors to the store.  Then the night time I seen him was almost 2 am.  I must add that the car nor the truck never left, so he did not take no one to the store.

  Since I have seen history repeat itself over and over again through the years, I already know what is going on.  How he can think I am that stupid is beyond me.

   Needless to say, I am sitting here this morning fighting a depression that I can feel trying to suck me in.  I feel as though I am almost drowning here, with no hope for me at all.  But, that ok for me to feel like that  I am hurting, and I know that I am doing exactly what God wants me to be doing, and I am never really alone because he is with me.

   So, I just wanted to post a private posting for anyone else who might be going through some tough times right now, who is in the same situation I am.  I have got to be strong, and keep fighting on.   Rocky said it best when he said, “In life it is not about how hard you can hit.  It’s about how hard you can take a hit and keep moving forward.”